PMDD: A Period Piece

Originally published on HerStry, January 2021.

I finally flossed my teeth. It was the first time in ten days. I moved about my bathroom with excited anticipation of normal days to come, suddenly aware of the overflowing garbage pail and grime in the cracks of the backsplash. Blood pooled delicately between the enamel of my teeth, reminding me of yet another way I had failed. I looked carefully in the toothpaste-splattered mirror, a tired shell, raw from a week of crying, hormones dragging me kicking and screaming onto a ride I did not queue up for.

The last day that broke my heart was Thanksgiving. The time before that was Halloween. And the time before that was a month prior. On it goes.

I was never formally diagnosed with premenstrual dysphoric disorder, a health problem that can cause exacerbated irritability, depression, and intense anger for up to two full weeks before a period and a few days after. However enlightened and motivated I was with this revelation at the time, it is three years later and I still seek answers.

This is not something we tend to talk about. Not at home growing up. Not with the majority of our peers. Certainly not in our yearly physicals where we're poked, prodded, sent out for labs, and ushered away in half the amount of time we waited in the lobby.